


EthoSlab

by TheNerdyTurtle96



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Etho Slab, Gen, Oneshot, i can't tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25428088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdyTurtle96/pseuds/TheNerdyTurtle96
Summary: Beef needs to get back at Etho for slacking off. Etho is not happy with the result.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	EthoSlab

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fan fiction and I am so excited! I got this idea while chilling at an outdoor pool in July under a heat advisory. That's why the very last part of this story exists. I also must give credit to an absolute gem of a post on the Hermitcraft subreddit (which I can't find) where somebody made a texture pack that turned the slab texture into Etho's skin. This, like all of my work, is also posted on Wattpad (@TheNerdyTurtle96). Anyway, enough talking. Hope you enjoy!

Beef slipped on his llama mask and straightened his tie before settling into his imposing chair. A shadowy figure hid behind the door to the totally-not-an-evil-lair and the Llama Dad drummed his fingers on the table a few times before calling out to the figure.

“Etho, come in, come in.”

Slowly, the ninja walked to the end of the room towards the Llama Dad. They made small talk for a bit before Etho finally sat down.

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something that is concerning me.”

“I’m getting a raise, right?” Etho’s excited tone implied a grin under his mask.

“No. Quite the opposite, actually.” The ninja raised an eyebrow and waited for the Llama Dad to continue. ”Um, a while back I noticed that Keralis put in an order ‘What is Love?’ by Haddaway and the order is still there and unfilled.”

“Um...yes, that’s correct, yep,” Etho slowly nodded. 

“Would you care to explain why it hasn’t been filled yet?” 

“Let me get my excuse index ready here…” Etho muttered under his breath while taking out a book from his pack and quickly flipping through the pages. “Well, um, I’ve been busy.”

“Okay, that’s a, that’s a pretty poor excuse.” 

“Um, I don’t know if you’ve stepped out of your office lately, Beef, but the world has changed!” The Llama Dad took a slight offense at being called ‘Beef’, but that was a battle for another day. At that moment, it appeared that just eking out a promise from Etho to do his work would be a tough fight.

“The world has changed my friend and I still had time to start an entirely new shop up.”

“And you replaced the chair here, too?” Etho cheekily said.

“I was busy,” the Llama Dad explained defensively.

“Uh huh.” A smirk was certainly back on the ninja’s face.

“Yeah.”

“So, you didn’t get to everything you needed to, either, did you?”

“Huh.”

“I got you in a corner!” Etho was bouncing in his chair with excitement. The Llama Dad rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Listen, I just want you to smarten up, okay? Let’s get this deal done.”

The Llama Dad patiently tried to reason with Etho for a little while longer before finally letting the ninja go. As Etho cautiously exited the totally-not-an-evil-lair, the Llama Dad sighed. Once the door closed, the llama mask was removed and Beef sunk back into his chair, still thinking. He had to think of a creative way to get back at Etho for slacking off. Obviously, he wasn’t going to win a debate with the ninja, but perhaps he could figure out some sort of prank to pull. That probably wouldn’t work, either, as Etho was a huge prankster himself, second only to Grian...  _ maybe _ . 

“Etho, Etho, Etho, what am I going to do with you?” Beef mused out loud. He couldn’t fire Etho, unfortunately, as the man’s skills were far too valuable. 

“EthosLab, EthosLab, EthosLab…” Beef sang the troublemaker’s full name to himself as he got up from the desk finally and carefully reloaded the anvil drop chute. “Ethoslab, Ethoslab, Ethoslab…” He nearly dropped the anvil on himself as a brilliant idea suddenly came to mind. “Etho...slab! EthoSlab! Haha! That’s awesome!” The way that “Etho’s Lab” could be so easily heard as “Etho slab” was plain hilarious. Once the drop chute was loaded again, Beef’s slightly evil plan was fully formed and he flew off straight towards Xisuma’s base.

_ Oh, Etho. This is going to be good! _

————— 

Etho shook his head a few more times just to make sure he wasn’t still dreaming. Unfortunately, he was awake and an absolutely ridiculous sight was right in front of him. A few minutes ago, Etho had woken up from a short nap and decided to work some more on his base before fulfilling his note-block order. A  _ little _ more procrastinating wouldn’t hurt, right? Besides, there were a few spots that really needed a quick touch-up. After rifling through his storage system, Etho had all of the building materials that he needed. That was when he had noticed the abomination that was in front of him. 

Somehow the beautiful slabs that were fairly prevalent throughout his base had been replaced with this… horrid look. The shape of the slab was the exact same, but the regular look wasn’t there any longer. No, instead an oddly compressed version of his head was staring right back at him. It wasn’t just the one slab, either. Every slab in his base looked just like the first one. 

Soon, his initial plans for building were put on the back burner in favor of investigating what in the world was up with the slabs. Etho was 99% certain that the slabs had been normal before his nap and he had only been asleep for about an hour. As he flew around the shopping district, noticing that all of the slabs looked like his head, a headache started to form. How in the world could all of those blocks have been replaced so quickly? The whole situation made no sense.

After having short conversations with several hermits in the shopping district, none of them seeming to care about or notice the new slab textures, Etho decided to go home and take another nap. Perhaps it was a dream, even though he didn’t really believe that. On a whim, he flew over Beef’s hacienda, wondering if the man was home. Lucky for him, Beef was sitting in a beach chair next to the pool, reading a magazine. Etho quietly landed out of view and tiptoed up to the man until his hands were ghosting Beef’s shoulders. In a sudden movement, the ninja grabbed the man’s shoulders and quietly said, “Boo.” Beef instantly dropped his magazine and loudly yelped.

“AAAAAAAAAAH!” Etho smirked and carefully hid a few snickers. Beef placed a hand over his heart, panting heavily.

“Etho, you can’t scare me like that!”

“But it’s so much fun!”

Etho’s smug grin was wiped off of his face when he noticed more slabs. All of them had Etho’s face on them and his head was killing him by now.

“No, no, no, no, no! How many did they get?!?”

Instead of staring at him in confusion, Beef badly attempted to hide a smirk of his own and several giggles escaped the man’s lips. It only took Etho a few seconds to figure out why.

“Beef, did you do this?”  
“Do you like it?”

“NO! I do  _ not _ like it, as a matter of fact. Did you do this?”

“Maybe.”

“You know that you’re terrible at hiding secrets like this.” Beef defensively put up his hands.

“Fine, I’ll admit that I did it.”

“How in the world did you change out all of these slabs in, like, an hour?”

“Oh, no no no. I didn’t touch a single block!” Beef’s enticing grin left Etho waiting for the rest of the story. “See, after our last meeting, I was thinking about how to get back at you for stalling on the note block job and I was singing your name…” Etho’s eyebrows must have scrunched into an odd position, as Beef blushed and nervously laughed a few times. “Oh, not, like, it’s, not in a weird way, but... it’s a long story. Anyway, I realized that your name just comes off the tongue like ‘Etho slab’ and I thought that it would be really funny to make the slabs look like you. “ Etho rolled his eyes and lightly groaned. 

“Then I went to Xisuma and he did some sort of adminy thing to make all of the slabs look like your face!”

“How come no one else said anything about it?”

“I bribed them all to act normal around you.” The ninja shook his head; he really should have expected that to happen.

“So, was it worth it?” Beef’s smile grew even bigger, if that was even possible.

“Absolutely!” Etho’s smirk returned and Beef only had a split second to react before the ninja moved. He had a surprising strength and it only took one arm to shove Beef into the pool, where he landed with a loud splash. The butcher came up sputtering a few moments later, looking quite angry. Unfortunately, since his hair was dripping wet and plastered goofily against his forehead, it was very hard to take him seriously. 

“ETHO!” The ninja audibly chuckled a few times; he really couldn’t help it.

“Was that worth it?”

“Oh, you’re really going to get it, Etho Slab!” Beef was slowly climbing out of the pool and Etho took his cue to activate his elytra and set off a few rockets.

“See you later, Llama Dad!”

**Author's Note:**

> Update (8/2/2020): Holy crap! I just saw this week’s Hermitcraft Recap (season 7, week 22) and the “Etho Slab” joke by Grian had me in tears! Etho’s reaction was lovely, too.


End file.
